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These points make no sense. This doesn't help. This is BS

Horseshit. The reason she leaves is because of unhappiness in HERSELF. And she manifests that unhappiness by projecting it onto the husband as him being the source of that unhappiness. It’s a complete lack of insight on her part as herself being the internal source of her unhappiness. And beat down after beat down, not understanding why his wife is unhappy and not being able to fix it because it is impossible, a man eventually shuts down. Stop perpetuating this dribble. Advice from a woman on how to salvage a relationship is like asking a fish how to catch it. And this notion of men not showing emotion is nonsense. Practically every successful man has done so through fiery emotion and passion. We just don’t channel emotion in irrational ways. We don’t slash tires or burn clothes or boil bunnies in pots. When we have an emotional crisis, we channel it into our careers and purpose, into the gym, etc. Women when unhappy- “I need to find myself” Men when unhappy- “I need to improve myself”

I’m going through an unwanted divorce after a 25 year marriage. The pain is unbearable sometimes. Fear is almost always present. I’m going through traditional therapy, but I always find myself circling back to Rachael’s content. Funny how one year ago I had no understanding of divorce. One year later - I’m an unwilling student of the big D.

Great content Rachael

Unfortunately your video skips and cuts up at a few critical times, I.e. 9:30 You said something important. Can’t hear it.

It's very hard ! The person who vowed to love you for better or worse is the person who is willing to hurt you more than anyone!!!

Well, I am pretty pro-men myself, but...men are typically bigger than their wives, and they are strong. Their anger is dangerous when they attack women physically. My spouse of 40 years recently started attacking me. The first time, he put his fist on my throat and pressed on my Adam's apple. It hurt, and I choked out the words...that hurts. He withdrew at that. The second time, I ended up on the floor. Third time, he drew his fists up to punch me in the face, but he didn't because I threatened to call the police. I left. I am living in another place now. I am 5' 1", and he is 5' 9". I weigh 108 pounds, and he weighs about 185. That's why they are dangerous. When you hit someone smaller than yourself, it's unfair, and you could kill her. Then, you will go to prison. So, unless a man can control his rage, he is dangerous to his wife and himself. Even mild-mannered men can explode when enraged.

This woman is amazing and helped me soooo much I cannot explain it. Watch her masterclass then if you feel like life just isn’t worth living or the divorce or unwanted as in my case is more than you can bear, take her course. It’s worth the cost and the support group is amazing!!!! Stay strong guys. It gets better.

Interesting. Everything you mentioned I have seen and experienced

Nah just distant yourself from these toxic people it’s not your job to heal them

This is very informative. Thank you so much!

Very nice. Rachel, you should do an overlay to that chart and place some of the self-talk statements on the chart like you described (including what you describe in this video). Adding a bit more complexity, it is important to understand that most people have multiple parts of their personality often with different voices and reactions on the temperment continuum. For example, if someone makes a dig at you, your friendly social personality might be presenting, but behind the scenes another part of your personality might be rising in the fight or flight regions. Further, because women are often conditioned to hide or even be afraid of strong emotions, they may have an inner voice that is trapped and going through this chart spectrum internally and the guy has no clue because he is reacting to the part of the personality that she is presenting (which appears in the calm range) when there is this lava boiling underneath. I think women might understand how difficult it is for other women to express things and are more inclined to be the fire department and rush in and deluge their fellow women with validation instead of first determining if their fellow female friend has created negative self-talk or manufactured a scapegoat of their spouse instead of owning their unhappiness. The real sophistication about this is that the different voices within us can simultaneously be sending mixed signals to our body and we could have all kinds of chemicals, neurotransmitters, levels of tension, etc. going off and our body and mind might be completely confused and that different direction dissonance might generate a "freeze" state. Now, take a couple that experiences trauma together, say a couple that had two late term still-births where both get shattered into a million pieces and our defense mechanisms scatter them into a labrynth of hiding places. You have parts of you that you don't know exist that are hidden but are grabbing the steering wheel of our emotions and self-talk, and both spouses are drowning to understand themselves in this flood of dissonant emotions in the whirlwind of life that is like a moving conveyor belt of daily and seasonal activities, where all major processes of healing have to be put on the back burner. Social media often projects this idealistic peacefulness, prosperity and it often leads to toxic positivity which asks many to keep pushing down their negative feelings and divorce seems to be a natural reaction to cutting these toxins out of your life because you can just scapegoat all of your issues and use divorce like a bowel movement. Sometimes though, if a spouse is hyper sensitive, they get lost with all of the mixed up parts of our personalities that are presenting in and out and mixing it with their own, they get swept up into a septic shock of too much going on at once and they need to be alone just to be able to listen to their own voices and process their own parts of their personality and figure themselves out. Sometimes it isn't fair because a spouse may in fact be giving a ton of space for their spouse to have their own identity but their spouse may perceive it to be suffocating even if it is their own voices in their own mind that are causing their emotions to go haywire. I know Rachel is not religious, but that is when Christ told us to take the yoke on with him and he will carry us like when a weary cow is yoked with a stronger one, the stronger one can help the older, weary one. Many men today are praying to St. Joseph, the father of Christ as being a source of peace and strength as an example of men; a defender of marriage, a strong father who put his faith in God and did not listen to the earthly rabble. Joseph understood that he had a calling and his wife had a calling and God had a purpose for them and to be at peace when the world around him was creating dissonance. Whether you are religious or not, the Christ can just be a mindset of peace and love that can permeate and harmonize the dissonance of toxic self-talk. Maybe toxic positivity is based on the individual wanting to compartmentalize their pain and not wanting to see others process their own anger or pain because they do not want to activate or recognize their own pain and suffering and do the work because it may be so overwhelming (particularly if there was severe trauma). Validating toxic positivity can be unhealthy and women who validate each other without rational evaluation may just feed a pathology of stuffing down emotions and scapegoating a spouse with male bashing. Well, if they don't process their emotions, they will eventually need to take a mental shit because toxins and negativity is part of reality. I think women get stuck in a state of victimhood because they they don't want to take ownership of facing and processing their own issues. The old men who just said "Yes Dear" and bore the male bashing, wouldn't cut it today because men now have to not only figure themselves out, but help women understand their own emotions because otherwise the women will blame them. Men need to be stronger today and they need God's help.

DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS.

F THIS LIE. YOU SHOW EMOTIONS THEY CALL YOU WEAK.

If a woman has these thoughts about her identity during the relationship, she didn’t know who she was before, and the family pays for it. False programming - what you think about, fear about, compare about, you bring about. Poor communication alone is not the whole issue. Hence she ‘feels trapped and self sacrificing’ - all illusory unnecessary suffering and rel breakdown

I have no hope. Zero

I just don’t care about anything anymore. She was married a year after our divorce. This was 4 years ago. I’m still single because I just can’t

Im even afraid to comment bcos my ex once brought my social media comment to court and the female judge was swayed 😮

Thank you , rachel for your wonderful advice and support.❤

Hangry is a thing. Make sure you feed her first! Lol

Hello, years ago my brother was betrayed in his marriage. His wife abandoned him for one of my brother's employees. He attempted suicide and had to live with our mom for a while. He still talks about even though it was twenty-five years ago. It affected my idealized notions of marriage as well.

The problem here is it sounds like you have a spouse that actually shows love the video like this lol because I cannot relate to anything you’re talking about. Sorry. I think of a time that he offered a gift 100 times absolutely not.. yeah we’re in the wrong lane

Never get a divorce. If you like living in a camper along the highway running from the law then I guess divorce is for you. But for the rest of us that's not an option I would recommend. Do everything you can to stay married. Lie your best and do whatever you need to do to stay married. These times are not good for men.

Thank you Rachael for all you do & the knowledge you share. For me it just seems more therapeutic, relaxing, & soothing hearing the topic of separated/divorced men's pain coming from a beautiful woman such as yourself.

This video has set me into motion and saved me, thankyou for your wise words

This isn't really the man's fault. Society always told men to be a man. And when men talk, they are called weak. I know there are good women out there. But I also read an article from a woman, and her main point was don't confuse contentment with being unhappy. Women have to be there for their husbands. It will require coaxing for them to open up or to feel safe to open up.

The only channel I make time to watch immediately when posted. Bless you Rach

Since I posted my comment 9 months ago, not much has changed. I have continued to support her emotionally and financially. I'm keeping the promise I made to her and the LORD. The periods when she ceases ALL communication have become not only days and weeks, but they are now months. Whenever she resumes communication, she expresses her gratitude for my continued support and unconditional love. It is painful and confusing, trying to understand how to deal with her pushing me away and yet professing her love and gratitude to me. She has said that she doesn't know what she has done to deserve having my love and support. I want and intend to remain in her life in as much as she will allow me. But once again, she has ceased ALL communication. I pray for her healing and restoration daily. My faith compels me to continue to intercede in prayer for her healing. Still, the emotional and psychological toll on my well-being is exhausting.

Divorced for 2 years and I've never been more happy in my adult life. It was the best thing that ever happened to me after the birth of my son.

Just be tall

I just want to be a billionaire is that too much to ask

How do I get in touch schedule counseling

From my perspective, I can't understand how this isn't more like 80%. Been dealing with this for two years, no end in sight, ever.

"You see, there's something wrong with you. You're not enough." Didn't expect to have my mind read.

In Mexico it is harder to get a divorce why do lawyers courts family law its a joke in America who support this immoraly insane laws

Men this is from a womans point of you tutning off my phone😮

This video is really only relevant to no-child couples. Standing back and letting depression win over responsibilities is already infuriating. Putting more work on the partner (who most likely is becoming depressed themselves) is even more infuriating. And to finally be told that “shutting up” your brain and self is the most frustrating part of all. Boo

This video is really only relevant to no-child couples. Standing back and letting depression win over responsibilities is already infuriating. Putting more work on the partner (who most likely is becoming depressed themselves) is even more infuriating. And to finally be told that “shutting up” your brain and self is the most frustrating part of all. Boo

It’s just really tough especially with betrayal

It hurts like hell I let go of my ex 20 no seven years of marriage I can’t believe it. It hurt. It really hurts. What happen with the Mountain top musician I always admire we had a talk about it. He got me back into music.

This was by far one of the biggest lessons I learned about relationships! My girlfriend and I have a great relationship and when she talks about our relationship and why she loves me so much, she always says how I make her feel so safe and seen, how I validate her feelings, and don’t take her emotions personally Makes a very healthy and loving relationship

Your voice is so healing when you explain on these tough things for us guys that are going through divorce.

Wish more women would watch stuff like this. Feminism (in its truest form) is good for women. Women need to find their strength and do not need to live how they did in the 30’s. But it’s just as important to learn about male psychology and how to give your man what he needs, as it is to learn how to get a man to give you what you need; arguable more important.

It’s 06/30/24 she left 05/30/24 I hurt really bad but also reflected I’ve met with her and slept with her a week ago and a few days ago and we sleep together twice. I told her I’m letting her go the last time bc I can’t fight for her bc I also know that it’s done. Now it hurts just as when it happened…

I provided enough emotional security and safety. This barometer is all completely made up.. Women are governed by their feelings and their feelings are constantly changing. One minute, she feels angry about something that you said, the next, she feel really happy with you because you did something thoughtful. Women don’t think long term. It’s what you can do for them at the moment.. and they’ll forget everything that you did for them in the past. Oh and my ex, she started an emotional affair. Even though I was providing her with the usual emotional support and listening to her. Yet, she pulled away from me, she went with a full blown affair with the person that she was developing an emotional attachment with aka, she betrayed me. Fast forward a year and a half, she’s not doing any better with me out of her life. She probably regrets what she did, but doesn’t know how to patch things up. It is what it is. She can go hunting for that emotional support, but she’ll never get it from me again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice..

Rachael, your insight makes sense and your explanation that a party looks to blame a "bad guy" to absolve guilt, even though the party is dealing with issues that have often nothing to do with the other party resonates, too. Our throwaway society often opts not to understand and appreciate one another as well as the relationship of marriage and its fullness, but rather hit the escape button leaving parties wounded, rather than seeking the path that love bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, love never fails. Love is more than mere words, but a belief, hope, and committed action that flows willingly because of oneness. Unfortunately, even the math of two becoming one, with "one" wanting division proves the point "United we stand, divided we fall."

Does my ex wife still love me though?

"How to give another woman all your resources again"

Once you used the word "misogynistic" you sounded like the typical woman of today. So nope.